Alright my dearest followers, this is a brand new meme that I am trying out here, called Fawk You Friday. Where you can get the rants of your week off your chest and on your blog.

After an exhausting rant on my Twitter stream this evening, I took a shower, hoping to get over it.  Meh.  Didn’t happen.  Then I saw this meme – Fawk You Friday. PERFECTION!!  So here we go… And to those of you who have been doing this meme a while, let me know what I can do better, pretty please?

Fawk You Mondays – Yep we are starting right at the beginning of my week.  5:30 am comes way too fast after a weekend that is not nearly long enough, and not to mention this past weekend that was filled with goblins, ghouls (or in my case, Bumblebees), and not going to bed until well pat my bedtime anyways.  You suck at life!!

Fawk You Snooze Button - For not going off this morning when you were suppose to.  Instead you sat there, silent as can be, and let me sleep in well past the time I was suppose to be getting up for work.  Jerk!  We do this every day – why would you think that today would be any different?  Do it again tomorrow, and your ass is grass!

Fawk You “Preggers” – You are THIRTY FIVE WEEKS PREGNANT!!! What in the FAWK makes you think it is okay to try and induce labor??? Don’t you think there is a reason that your doctor REFUSED to strip your membranes at your appointment last week?  I mean, common sense.  I know that you are a first time mother, but that is no excuse.  Your baby is not ready to enter this world, and its obvious that your doctor is looking our for your child’s best interest.  Just saying!

Okay…. I just have to say that I feel sooooooooooo much better!!! The only rant that I really needed to get out was the last one – the first two may or may not have been just because. =)

Have a great weekend, everyone!  You will likely see me back here next week!

Ps, I typically use pictures, but am wayyyy too tired tonight.

Sometimes I truly wonder how I manage to keep myself sane….

I work 25 miles away from home.  Getting up at a very early 5:30 a.m., I have to be out of the house, kids in tow, by 6a.m.  From there I take them to daycare, and must make it to work by 7a.m. 

This, my friends, is not always an easy task.  Between traffic sucking on normal days because our highways haven’t been expanded in forever, and the fact that Oregonians are unable to drive like normal human beings, making it to work on time is hard.

So I start my shift at 7a.m. and get off at 4p.m.  By that time, Justin is already off and on his way to get the kids, bless his heart.  So when I finally get out of the crap hole that is traffic once again, everyone is home and, of course, hungry.  Now, I can generally make it home in about 3o minutes (45 if it’s raining). 

How is it that everyone can be hungry at 4:30p.m.??

Whatever.

So dinner is done around 5:30p.m. or 6p.m., depending on what we are having.  Most of what Konnor and Justin will eat is fairly easy to make, since they are both extremely picky eaters.  Ariana expects nothing more than some fruits, veggies, and a bottle to wash it all down. 

Easy peasy?

Whelp, by the time that is said and done, Ariana needs a bath and Konnor wants one too.  Luckily, Ariana is to the point where she can sit up and enjoy a bath with her brother.  They splash and giggle and play until Ariana can’t take anymore.

Time for jammies.

Then about a half an hour to play before they have to get to bed.

Honestly, I take my kids to daycare five days a week.  Because we couldn’t survive without my paycheck, I have to pay someone else to raise my children.

Don’t get me wrong, I adore the woman who watches my kids.  She is great with them.  As a matter of fact, she is the same woman who watched me and my siblings when we were younger.  More than a babysitter, she has become a part of the family.

Regardless, it shouldn’t be her raising my children.  It should be their mommy.  Me. 

Justin works.  He brings home a paycheck.  However, the fact of the matter is that his paycheck alone wouldn’t pay the bills.  We could cut back some, but that still wouldn’t suffice.

So I am stuck.  Watching my children grow up.  It seems, almost, from a distance.  I make the most of my weekends with them, and I really try not to go out without them (well except to the store, but duh!).  Everyday that I drop them off, I regret it.  As I drive to work, I wish I could just turn around.

Having to work when you have kids is so unfair.  It sucks.  With this economy, though, I have no choice.  So I push on, in hopes that one day I will find the perfect job that allows me to work from home.  Or that my job will finally offer employees to work from home.

Friday excites me.  Friday means two days of not having to work. 

I like my job, don’t get me wrong.  It frustrates the crap out of me sometimes, but overall the place I work is not bad at all.  It pays well, that’s for sure.  And while I do wish that I was a stay at home mom, or rather a work at home mom, this job isn’t so bad.

This weekend shall be fun.  Cleaning, sitting at home, watching the Jets fight for a chance to play in the Super Bowl sounds like fun, right?  Okay so my weekend doesn’t have huge plans, but it does beat the alternative – work. 

Konnor will not be home this weekend.  That is good and bad.  I like to be able to have some toddler-free time, since he can be so rambunctious when confined in close quarters for an extended period of time, but I do tend to miss his royal cuteness.

I plan to finish mine and Justin’s taxes this weekend.  That’s fun, right??  With having Ariana this year, our returns will be hefty.  Which means I can pay people back and get my new camera!  Now THAT is exciting.  I think I have finalized my camera decision, which has changed a million times, so it will probably change again. 

Oh and I think my friend is having her birthday party this weekend.  Perhaps I should verify that so I don’t miss it.  Haha.

Okay okay enough rambling from me for one post.  Notice I said post, not day. :P

Everyone, meet Justin.

Justin is my boyfriend. Yes, boyfriend. (no he doesn’t wear these glasses all the time.  they are mine) We are not married.  Marriage is but a piece of paper.  What he is the father of my daughter. The love of my life. 

I don’t give him enough credit. When I talk about him on my Facebook or on my Twitter, it’s generally when I’m angry. Or hurt. Or sad. Really, no one gets to hear about how wonderful Justin is.

He is my other half. The person I was meant to be with. Through thick and thin, we were meant to be. He is the one.

Though I have had reservations in the past, questions in my mind, those no longer exist. We have had good times, bad times, and times where we were on level ground. Despite all the times we have had, he has been there. When I was unable to work while pregnant with Ariana, he stayed. When he was laid off and looking for a job, I stayed. Through my depression this last holiday season, he was there. Holding my hand. And while he never said it, he was cheering me on, telling me it would all be okay.

Most don’t know our story. When we first met, it was online. *gasp* I know. Say what you will, but this seems more and more common as time goes on. Love has no boundaries and sure doesn’t grasp the concept of distance. So, while I was here in Oregon living my life, he was in West Virginia living his.

At first when we talked, it was casual. That time in my life was full of chaos and mayhem, and an ear was all he could offer me. I took it. I told him about life and the choices I was making and while he was mostly amused, you could also tell there was a bit of concern.

We stopped talking for years. Probably 5 or 6 to say the least. We both lived our different lives, on different sides of the United States. It wasn’t until I logged into Yahoo! on my cell phone that we reconnected. He IM’ed me and after a few hours of IMing him while at work, we exchanged numbers.

From there IMing turned to text and text turned to a phone call. The phone call. All night long (and I mean 9pm to 6am) we talked on the phone about everything. You name it, we talked about it. Even before I knew what was happening, we were falling.

Most people are cautious about love. Often holding back, they miss out on some of life’s greatest opportunities. Just getting out of my relationship with my son’s father, I was a little hesitant. But Justin and I were so right for each other.

Regardless of the distance, we made things work. From playing silly Yahoo! games on the internet, to simultaneously watching The Notebook while on the phone, we were a unique pair. I would leave cute messages on his MySpace, and he would send sweet text messages.

To make this long, adorable story short, not three months after we had started talking, and after a mini vacation to the east coast to visit him, he decided to move out to Oregon so we could be together. I took a flight to Illinois where he met me, and we drove the country together, through torrential downpours in one state, to high winds and country roads in another.

February 7th, 2010 marks two years since we made ourselves official. February 1st marks two years since we reunited and started talking again. Today we have a beautiful daughter to share our journey in life, and are closer than ever. Konnor and Justin adore each other, almost as much as Ariana and Justin do.

He picks up the kids everyday after work. Gets up with Ariana some nights when she doesn’t sleep through. He is a good sport about my crazy ideas and even though he is a picky eater, he will try new things that I cook.  Shopping isn’t one of his favorite things to do, but he will do it.  We are a team.

I love his smile.  His sense of humor.  The way he dresses.  His eyes.  When he is happy, mad, sad, upset, or being a pain in my ass, I still love him. 

Despite all of my mood swings and questions with our relationship, he is here. Always. Hopefully forever.

I love him. With every part of me that is capable of love.  Our journey in life thus far has tested us in so many way, and we have made it out on top.

Sometimes life sends us on weird, crazy, absolutely terrible paths that seem bumpy and completely impassable.
Truth be told I thought I wasn’t going to be able to get through the holiday blues this year. As each minute drug into an hour which later became a day, I wanted to curl up and be DONE with it all. Things couldn’t get worse. Struggling to get up each day, running away seemed to be my only getaway.
Waiting for the inevitable, I watched the depression blanket my heart. Konnor and Ariana no longer seemed to warm my heart, and I thought for sure I was going to give up. I could see them drifting further and further away. Writing, blogging, photographing were all chores not, not happiness.  No fight left in me, I waited for the storm to pass. Or engulf me into eternal sadness.
As I waited, however, I realized something. My name is Alexandra. The one that ran away as a Sophomore. The same girl that dealt with death, sadness, divorce. I have a mother who has been to hell and back in life, and raising me was far from easy. Emotional as I may be, I am stubborn and strong. Why in the hell am I sitting here, feeling sorry for myself? I have been in worse situations. Now I am a mother, and life has thrown me curves, but those two little faces mean more to me than this world could ever give me.
Standing up and brushing myself off, my determination to get through this darkness in my life started.
Between positive thoughts and a strong support system, I broke through. Knowing that two little smiles, four beautiful eyes, and voices as loud as my own, needed me was what really pulled me. You see, one’s heart is not really able to be full of sadness when you are consumed by so much unconditional love.
Over the last month or so, I have learned that I need to slow down. Take it all in. Realize that I have come so far to get where I am today. Things don’t always go how I want them to, but that is part of life. For a moment in time I forgot the saying I live by: everything happens for a reason. Fact.
And all of a sudden, the little things, which is most important to me, matter again. I have a new appreciation for the world around me. Again, I am happy.