So pure.
Unaffected.
Passionate.
Innocent.
Breath-taking.

The way her arms wrap around my neck when I pick her up.
When I walk in the door & her sweet little voice says “Hiiii.”
Those sweet little kisses.
How she hugs that baby so tight.

Nothing compares to that of a child’s love.

Please know that the following post is a full on rant post about something that was said to me in regards to my life. While this person may or may not read my blog, names will be omitted and said person can take up with me the following words (and quite possibly language) that I may or may not feel is necessary.

I am a mother to two amazing, beautiful children.

They are my life.
They are my heart.
They are my soul.

They are prodigies of myself, and you want to know something? I would NOT have it any.
other.
way.
PERIOD.

While I may not be the best mother that I can possibly be 100% of the time, I do what I can.  I protect my children.  Love my children.  Give them all that they need and some of what they want.

You do NOT have the right to tell me if I am “living” or not.  To tell me that I am missing out on life is complete and utter bull shit! Just because I don’t find joy and happiness in the same “fun and simple things” that you do does not mean I am “missing out.”

At this point in time, my kids are too young to appreciate camping.  That would be more work than fun. We do go to the beach, but financial circumstances might make it less frequent that what you consider “living.”  Summer BBQ’s with friends, you say is “living.”  News flash, buddy.  When you have kids, those people who you thought were friends disappear.

For you to be a parent, have your child for 50% of the time, and tell me I’m not living says something.  As a parent, you should share the joys and happiness that comes with watching your little one grow up.  Nothing is more fulfilling.  No amount of parties, BBQs, or camping trips can amount to the feeling you get when your baby starts crawling, says her first word, or feeds herself.  OR when your preschooler brings home his first art project, first “report card” or when he shows you he can draw his letters and count to 10.

Raising a child has it downfalls, too.  They aren’t always happy, and sometimes you feel that you want to pull out your hair, scream, or lock yourself in the bathroom to cry.  They test every ounce of patience you have, and take it one step further.  Sometimes, I feel I am not cut out for this job of Mommy.  Plus, you don’t get to go out when you want, live carelessly like you once did, and let’s face it – your body is never the same (if you are a mom).  But hey, that’s what we sign up for when we have sex, right?  The possibility of pregnancy, no matter what efforts we make to prevent it or not. 

Go ahead, buddy, keep thinking I’m not living.  When push comes to shove, those friends will not always be around.  My children will.  We are flesh & blood, and family is forever.  You can not and will never take that away from me – no one will!  You may not understand that now, even though you have a child, but one day you will.  You will look back and kick yourself in the ass for not taking those extra moments.

My life is not all peaches and cream, by any means.  I have my struggles – at times my cheeks are stained from the tears I cry.  That is what makes me stronger.  What makes my life better. 

I feel. 
I hurt. 
I laugh. 
I love. 

 With all of my heart, I feel the weight of the pain of life.  The joys of life.

I am living my life.

You learn the true meaning of life.

There is an overwhelming force that drives you to keep your child(ren) safe.

Unconditional love is no longer something you imagine, but something that you can feel.

You realize that priorities change. Life rearranges. The world no longer revolves around you.

The true meaning of friendship becomes apparent. Those without children can never understand what a parent feels.

Then you realize. They aren’t true friends if they let your bundle of joy get in between the two of you.

I remember the friends I had. The relationship that I lost. I was 19 when I had Konnor. Barely out of school. At first, I could pawn him off on my mom to watch while I had fun from time to time. Mostly at her house, while Konnor slept in my room.

Looking back, I sucked at being a mom. I thought I was hot shit, when in reality, there was nothing hot about my relationship with my son. Sure, he knew who his mommy was, and he loved everything about me, but I wasn’t the best.

In almost four years, I have come so far. Honestly, I can say that I am proud of who I am. The mother I am. A woman. I have grown up.

Sometimes I find myself reminiscing about the times I could party, spend all my money on myself, and quite frankly, not give a shit. I have driven under the influence, spent most my money on booze, and am a recovering nicotine addict. Sadly enough, some of the people who I used to hang out with still do all these things, and some do more.

Having children has tough me a lot about my life. But my children have also helped me cut out a lot of people in my life that never really mattered.

Stay tuned, Part 2 of this is coming up…….

Valentine’s Day… A day for love, a day for appreciation, and a day for…….. chocolate?

*gag*

Seriously.

I love being spoiled just as much as the next girl, but who is to say that Valentine’s Day has to be the only day to express your true feelings for someone?

This year, I made a vow to myself, and a silent vow to Justin (meaning he doesn’t know) to never take him for granted, and to tell him just how much I love and appreciate him.

Yesterday, I spent my Valentine’s Day with my love and my little loves – Justin, Konnor, and Ariana. We relaxed, we were lazy, and we enjoyed the company of one another.

Oh, of course Justin spoiled me (and himself a little) by going out and buying some goodies from Victoria’s Secret and I spoiled him with his Christmas/Anniversary/Valentine’s Day/Birthday gift by buying him a PS3. Yes, I know, I did it. Bought him the one gift I am going to kick myself in the ass for later. But hey, at least any game he plays on that thing can be put on pause, right?

In addition, we bought the kids each a cute little t-shirt, teddy bear, and some bubbles. Konnor and Ariana both adore bubbles, so we bought Konnor a bubble gun and Ariana a thing of bubbles. Hours of entertainment in the living room, and I can just vacuum that soapy goodness right up. Haha!

Besides going to Outback on Saturday night with Justin and Ariana, that was the extent of Valentine’s Day, 2010. Simple, sweet, and NO chocolate (just how I wanted it).

What did you do for Valentine’s Day? What did you receive? I want all the juicy details from my lovely readers!! :)