This blog challenge is brought to you from Kristin.  Please head over to her site to get weekly challenges that are suppose to be posted every Saturday, but as you can see, I was totally late this week.  Sorry, K!

Anyways, this week the theme is A Picture Worth A Thousand Words. (which means I do no talking) So here you go:

I feel entirely guilty for what I had to do today.

We had some unexpected expenses that came up, causing a short fall in funding this past week.

Well, we also happened to run out of milk and bread today, which is of course a big deal when you have a 15 month old who loves her milk and a 4 1/2 year old who adores his PB&Js.

I broke into my children’s piggy banks.  Something I promised that I would never do.  When I put money into those little piggies, I make a silent vow to my children and allow that change to become theirs.

Today, I felt like a bad Mommy.

But I also learned today that there are some sacrifices that must be made in order to keep your children happy and healthy.  There are things in life that are out of my control, as much as I wish them not to be.  That family is meant to be there for one another, no matter what.  They don’t understand how they are helping, or even realize that they did.

There is an IOU in each of their piggy banks today because combined, I owe my babies $6.25.  And come next week, when the funds aren’t so tight, and I can breathe again, they will be repaid for allowing Mommy to use their money to buy bread, milk and “eeeshies (pictured below).”

This is one of my “formal” attempts at trying silhouette photography. 

Thoughts?  Opinions?  Tips?  Anything helps!  I think silhouette photographs are spectacular and really want to sharpen my skills.

Summertime is finally here!  I’m so excited! 

Here is a pic of the first bout of warm weather we had (couple weeks ago). 

You can find more WW at 5 Minutes for Mom, J. Leigh Designz, and WW home !! 

“Any man can be a Father but it takes someone special to be a dad.”
– Anne Geddes

When you came into my life, not so long ago, I didn’t know what to expect. You had said you weren’t sure about having children, yet you knew Konnor was my life. You not only accepted Konnor, but took to him. Even if you never said it, you could just tell that you adored him. He may not have been yours but since you walked into our lives, you have been like a dad to him.

It wasn’t long after we began our journey in life that we found out we were expecting. Scared at first, I could tell you weren’t ready for a baby of your own. That’s okay, who really is 100% ready until their brand new baby is placed into their arms? That’s how it went, too. Up until she was born, I’m not sure it really sank in that we were going to have a baby.

June of 2009 came far too quick, and when you held our little princess in your arms for the first time, you were scared. But you were also so very happy.  It was then I knew you were cut out to be a Daddy, you just needed to be there before you could fully take on the role.

From diapers to tears, spit up and giggles, you have done it all.  In the last year you have grown and learned so much from Ariana.  Not only are you cut out for this Daddy business but you rock it, babe!  You interact with her and Konnor and adore them both so much.

You are an amazing father, Justin. You love your baby girl so much, and love Konnor too. It really does take someone special to be a Daddy, and you are indeed someone special.

I love you! Happy Father’s Day!

Love,
Me

So………… (this isn’t going to be so wordless)

Summer decided to show up for a whole day and a half over the weekend (yay) before turning back to overcast on Monday and then rain on Tuesday (boo).  However, since the weekend was so nice, we decided to head over to a new-found park about 5 minutes from my house.  Said park has this water “pad” which consists of a bunch of water spouts shooting up for kids to play in.

My adorable child, Konnor, is terrified of the water.  He will NOT go in a pool that is more than a foot deep, and sometimes even a bath petrifies him.  We haven’t gone swimming the last two summers, so finding this park with the “water pad” was really a nice find.  Konnor will be able to enjoy the water when it’s hot without too much anxiety over a pool.

Anyways.  Lol.  Rambling much?  Gah!  So the following pic is Konnor over the weekend smacking the water around.  Hehe!

Here is my handsome little man playing in the water during one of the two days of summer we have had this year.  Seriously, since September, the first day to reach 80 degrees here in Oregon was on Saturday…… What… The…. Funky chickens?!?!!?

Well, now that I have exhausted my “Wordless” Wednesday post, go check out some others.

You can find WW at 5 Minutes for Mom, J. Leigh Designz, and WW home !!

I realize that Mother’s Day was three weeks ago now, but between vacation and the writer’s block, I can not, for the life of me, bring myself to blog.  For that, I apologize.  I haven’t done a Monday Mingle, a Post It Note Tuesday, OR a Wordless Wednesday, all of which I enjoy very much.  I hope that the illness that is causing my lack of writing goes away soon. 

Anyways, back to Mother’s Day…. I just wanted to brag a moment by showing you what my son made me in preschool.  I just love it!

While I’m not positive what it will grow into, it doesn’t matter.  This is my first real Mother’s Day present from my baby.  The preschool Konnor attends is big on arts & crafts.  For Christmas, they allowed the children to decorate a picture frame.  Using a simple hand print and a picture of each child, they created something like that of a scrapbook page.  I will always have Konnor’s hand, age 4, framed with his smiling face the day he made it.

That isn’t all that I got for Mother’s Day.  Well it is, but my daughter’s present won’t come for a few weeks yet.  So here is a preview of what I will be getting, when I do get it.  My mom, on my first Mother’s Day after I had Konnor, had his pictures taken in an Oregon Ducks (my favorite college football team) outfit.  I had absolutely no idea she had done it until it was done. 

She wasn’t able to get Ariana away to do the same this year, but she already has the outfit picked out.  So one day in the near future, Ariana and Gamma have a date to have her pictures taken.  Yeah, my mom pretty much rocks!

Overall, Mother’s Day was calm, peaceful, and spent with the people in my life that I love.  Thank you Mommy for being there always!  Big thank you to my little sis for making us breakfast.  And to everyone who wished me a Happy Mother’s Day – THANK YOU!!!

So this post is inspired by my dear friend, J, and her Wordless Wednesday post this week.  What she says, about wishing kids would stay little forever, is something I think every mother can agree

The first picture is of Konnor, and the second of Ariana.

Isn’t it amazing the fascination babies have with the outside world?  Konnor was watching one of our many cats at my mom’s house when this pic was taken.  It was taken with my Pentax K-1000, and the darkness is thanks to a dead battery for my light meter.  Whoops!

Ariana’s fascination was a bird on a tree outside of our apartment.  This pic was taken with my not-so-awesome point and shoot camera (before I bought my Pentax K-x).

Anyways, just a little somethin’ somethin’. 

Happy Thursday!!

Please know that the following post is a full on rant post about something that was said to me in regards to my life. While this person may or may not read my blog, names will be omitted and said person can take up with me the following words (and quite possibly language) that I may or may not feel is necessary.

I am a mother to two amazing, beautiful children.

They are my life.
They are my heart.
They are my soul.

They are prodigies of myself, and you want to know something? I would NOT have it any.
other.
way.
PERIOD.

While I may not be the best mother that I can possibly be 100% of the time, I do what I can.  I protect my children.  Love my children.  Give them all that they need and some of what they want.

You do NOT have the right to tell me if I am “living” or not.  To tell me that I am missing out on life is complete and utter bull shit! Just because I don’t find joy and happiness in the same “fun and simple things” that you do does not mean I am “missing out.”

At this point in time, my kids are too young to appreciate camping.  That would be more work than fun. We do go to the beach, but financial circumstances might make it less frequent that what you consider “living.”  Summer BBQ’s with friends, you say is “living.”  News flash, buddy.  When you have kids, those people who you thought were friends disappear.

For you to be a parent, have your child for 50% of the time, and tell me I’m not living says something.  As a parent, you should share the joys and happiness that comes with watching your little one grow up.  Nothing is more fulfilling.  No amount of parties, BBQs, or camping trips can amount to the feeling you get when your baby starts crawling, says her first word, or feeds herself.  OR when your preschooler brings home his first art project, first “report card” or when he shows you he can draw his letters and count to 10.

Raising a child has it downfalls, too.  They aren’t always happy, and sometimes you feel that you want to pull out your hair, scream, or lock yourself in the bathroom to cry.  They test every ounce of patience you have, and take it one step further.  Sometimes, I feel I am not cut out for this job of Mommy.  Plus, you don’t get to go out when you want, live carelessly like you once did, and let’s face it – your body is never the same (if you are a mom).  But hey, that’s what we sign up for when we have sex, right?  The possibility of pregnancy, no matter what efforts we make to prevent it or not. 

Go ahead, buddy, keep thinking I’m not living.  When push comes to shove, those friends will not always be around.  My children will.  We are flesh & blood, and family is forever.  You can not and will never take that away from me – no one will!  You may not understand that now, even though you have a child, but one day you will.  You will look back and kick yourself in the ass for not taking those extra moments.

My life is not all peaches and cream, by any means.  I have my struggles – at times my cheeks are stained from the tears I cry.  That is what makes me stronger.  What makes my life better. 

I feel. 
I hurt. 
I laugh. 
I love. 

 With all of my heart, I feel the weight of the pain of life.  The joys of life.

I am living my life.

To whom it may concern,

I do NOT dye my son’s hair.

When he went out for his first outing after his birth, his hair was not dyed.

During his first birthday, to all the people at the play area where he frolicked around, his hair was not dyed.

When my boyfriend is out at the store, the park, or the mall with my son, know that his hair has not been artificially altered.  I mean, where could I even buy white hair dye???

Konnor was born with white “patches,” for lack of a better term, on his legs, tummy, and most prominent, his head. Something that was never diagnosed by a doctor, I find the likely diagnoses is Vitiligo.

While few cases of Vitiligo are reported at birth, this skin depigmentation is caused when melanocytes (cells that make pigment) are destroyed. The cause of Vitiligo is unknown at this time, though there are several theories on what causes the condition.

Being that his father has the same depigmentation on his forehead area and one leg, I am inclined to believe this is hereditary more than it is anything else. A vast majority of researchers, however, believe Vitiligo is an autoimmune disease, which means that Konnor’s body is at war with itself, thus leaving area where no pigment is present.

Ultimately, where Konnor has these “white patches” there is no skin color. The skin is white. So is his hair.

Did you know only about 1 percent of the world’s population have Vitiligo?? That’s only about 65 million people, of which only about 1-2 million live in the United States.

Konnor is my little giraffe, and while this name doesn’t bother him now, I’m sure in the future it will. I’m also sure that his hair will be the cause of many teasings to come.  This means, as a mommy, I will have to work extra hard to make him realize that it’s okay to be different.

That it is okay to be unique. 

Oregon doesn’t always allow us time in February to really enjoy the sun.  As a matter of fact, it’s rare that we see the sun in February and, in the off-chance we do, it’s either bitter cold, windy as hell, or both.

In fact, we hit about 6 degrees over the normal for this time of the year, and were 6 degrees from hitting the record temperature for this day in all of history (or as long as records have been kept).  It was a beautiful day here in the Rose City, as we hit 57 degrees.

Having a sick baby, who has gone from a cough, to a runny nose, then to a wheeze, and now to only 1/2 of her normal voice, I didn’t want to take her all the way to the park.  As fun as it sounded to go to the park, it just wasn’t feasible to take her out so that Konnor and I could enjoy the sunshine.

Instead, we pulled out the activity center, grabbed the bubbles and bubble gun, and headed onto the back deck.

The brief change in scenery and that little bit of fresh air did some good for us all.  Ariana didn’t seem to enjoy the sun too much in her eyes, but even she could enjoy the bubbles.

We worked with what we had, ensured Ariana wasn’t out too long, and still were able to enjoy some of this gorgeous Oregon sunshine!

You learn the true meaning of life.

There is an overwhelming force that drives you to keep your child(ren) safe.

Unconditional love is no longer something you imagine, but something that you can feel.

You realize that priorities change. Life rearranges. The world no longer revolves around you.

The true meaning of friendship becomes apparent. Those without children can never understand what a parent feels.

Then you realize. They aren’t true friends if they let your bundle of joy get in between the two of you.

I remember the friends I had. The relationship that I lost. I was 19 when I had Konnor. Barely out of school. At first, I could pawn him off on my mom to watch while I had fun from time to time. Mostly at her house, while Konnor slept in my room.

Looking back, I sucked at being a mom. I thought I was hot shit, when in reality, there was nothing hot about my relationship with my son. Sure, he knew who his mommy was, and he loved everything about me, but I wasn’t the best.

In almost four years, I have come so far. Honestly, I can say that I am proud of who I am. The mother I am. A woman. I have grown up.

Sometimes I find myself reminiscing about the times I could party, spend all my money on myself, and quite frankly, not give a shit. I have driven under the influence, spent most my money on booze, and am a recovering nicotine addict. Sadly enough, some of the people who I used to hang out with still do all these things, and some do more.

Having children has tough me a lot about my life. But my children have also helped me cut out a lot of people in my life that never really mattered.

Stay tuned, Part 2 of this is coming up…….